The Princess Bride: Best Movie Ever Made?

By Steve McCullough on

Is The Princess Bride the best movie ever made?

Well, to answer that, let’s first rewatch it to refresh our memories. Pick up The Princess Bride on iTunes.

Now. Is it? Yes.

Yes is the answer — What? Need more of a qualifier than my simple-albeit-correct opinion? Fine. Although, it should be noted that I’m about as biased here as a 13 year old boy being asked whether he prefers tits or algebra. (Algebra, duh.)

The Princess Bride is the greatest movie ever made because of how little shits were given about it, in the best way possible. I’m willing to bet that the director and the actors went into it with as few fucks to give as they could possibly muster. And because of this, the movie turned out to be incredible. “Um… how?” is what you’re probably asking right now. "That’s so counter intuitive, you idiot” is what you would probably say to me if I was not simply a collection of 1 and 0s on the internet. My response is thus: when you don’t give a shit, you can do whatever you want. And when you can do whatever you want, you can make a fan-fucking-tastic movie, that doesn’t need to make “sense,” or obey your rules, man. Want to have a guy fight giant ass rats called R.O.U.S.’s (rodents of unusual size, because fuck your complicated names) in a fire swamp? Yeah buddy, that’s now a thing. How about having a pit of despair where you can have a convoluted torture machine that actually makes no sense? How about yes. And screw you for even asking. Want to name the princess Buttercup, because she’s sweet, but really has no texture to her? Done. How about naming your evil prince Humperdink? Ha, done again, sir. Movies that give so few fucks can only end up as amazing, because if they had fun making it — which I can only assume they did, because come on — you’re going to have a great time watching it.

First time viewers watch it and are almost always confused. “It’s such a corny movie!” they say. “It feels like they’re blatantly being cliché, to the point of absurdity,’ they grumble. “The bad guy is named fucking Humperdink!" they groan. But then something magical happens. And not just Miracle Max (real character) working a miracle. These first time viewers (like you, soon), realize something. The movie is meant to be corny. It’s not supposed to be a high quality blockbuster. It’s fucking satire. And it’s the best at what it does.

Blatantly, and apologetically, it makes fun of itself, romance movies, medieval movies, and especially Disney movies. They pull out every cliché in the book, and acknowledge it. They say “fuck it” and have their characters be either excessively evil, or grossly good. Disney princesses barely move the plot and are barely the stars in their own movie, and need a handsome prince to save them? Ha, how about an absolutely useless princess who couldn’t save herself if her life depended on it. Which, you know, it does. Let’s make all the good guys excessively witty and charming and basically infallible. And in doing so, let’s make them all more quote-worthy than motherfucking Einstein. (For the uninitiated, “Motherfucking Einstein” was the big E’s street name).

If I haven’t made my point clear yet, which is entirely possible-I do have a tendency to rant-I doubt more space will help me to that end. So in closing I just want to say, “fucking watch it, peasant.” And sorry for the vulgarities throughout this article, I’ve been told this is something I need to work on. I’m just passionate, dammit.

With love,